I have been unhappy for a while. About what? I dont know. Suddenly I am feeling a strong sense of 'LOST' in Architecture. The dissertation has drag my emotional way down. I seems to have lost touch with everything that links with architecture. YuCK....! With the reason of my grandma's death during the Xmas break. I managed to gain an extension to the deadline of my dissertation due date. 10 more days. It just don't seems enough. I hate doing theoretical work. Always been bad at theory. Anything that has to be Read and written. Frick! Its just aren't my cup of tea.

AnyHOOO...., I still need to find a new site for my design thesis project. Sobz.... I somehow feel that I am sooo way back. Although, I have been assured that Im still okay by my fellow classmates. I just felt so way back... lag behind. My desire to go home has been building up ever so strongly these days. There are days when I feel like just pack up and go home. FORGET about the Masters... Forget Abt the GRADUATION! SCrew EVERYThing.... ! IF, im not happy doing what Im doing... I should just go home rite ?? BUt 6mths to something that will soon be complete is such a hugh waste... PLus, I do not know how to tell my dad n mom... THEY are looking so forward to my graduation in JULY. I'll be the first one in the house to get a Masters. Big deal rite ?? So what if i get a masters.... I wouldnt not even earn as much as my sister who only studied for 3 years. Stupid architecture ... Stupid Earning power....! Whoever used to give the impression that architects earn money in gold pots should be Hanged! People should seriously be educate on : ARCHITECTS DO NOT earn shitload! We study so long for peanuts. and end up being cad monkeys..... ! RUbbiSH!

Now, Im not even sure if I should be in the architecture line after or IF i graduate. The future seems sooo bleak. I used to have so much dreams about it. So enthusiastic about my future and my dreams. Now its all blank!

I've been thinking.... IF i DO give up now. I can quietly escape home and help up in my dad business which he so anxious want to retire and want someone to slowly takeover from him. I could help to relieve his stress and load it into my own shoulders. I'll still be me. BUt no longer the Kris who was soo into her architecture dreams.

What should I do.....? Currently, Im still not happy. Im no longer happy. I just want to get things done with and move on. Hopefully I can survive. . . . . I want to get out of the student lifestyle. Im way too old to be still studying. I know, theres mature student and stuff... BUT i want to throw myself into the working world cause, I think student lifestyle is way too comfy and Im sick of it. Darn... Im a complicated person .... ey?



Needed: Faith & Happiness.